Happy belated new year, everyone! It's mid-January, and I've made zero progress on my New Year's resolutions so far...because I don't have any New Year's resolutions.
I know, I know, I've written about not falling into the New Year's resolution trap in the past. (Oh hey, Vicky La France, back from the dead!) But I have to be honest: I suck at self-discipline. Even as I've entered my third decade of life, I'm great at starting something, but I'm not great at following through.
As the start of a new year has come and gone, I've seen a lot of *~discourse~* about resolutions: how to make them, why you shouldn't make them, how to keep them, why you shouldn't keep them, why you're a lazy, awful person if you don't keep them (looking at you, Equinox). And for the first time this year, I didn't want to participate in any of it.
For the past few years, I've done Gretchen Rubin's "2[X] for 20[XX]" lists, where the number of goals goes up each year. But the thought of writing down 23 things to accomplish in 2023 didn't sit well with me. Whenever I've written these lists in the past, I've been tempted to think I will overhaul my entire life in one year. Spoiler: It hasn't happened, and I knew I needed to make a change...but it a different way. I love following Emily Frase on Instagram, and in a recent story, she talked about sitting in Adoration toward the end of the year, and asking Jesus what He wanted from her this year. I loved that idea, but it was late at night and there is no perpetual Adoration chapel near me—yet 🙏🏻—so I pulled up a livestream of perpetual Adoration on my laptop (just a quick YouTube search gives you dozens of options), grabbed my journal, and dove in.
As I sat in front of the screen, instead of being open and receptive to the Holy Spirit, I just kept telling Jesus of all the things I wanted to focus on this year: I really want to work on my physical health. I want to take on more freelance writing projects. I want to make my new marriage even stronger. I want to save money for X and Y. I want to... I've done Saints of the Year and Words of the Year (thanks, Jen Fulwiler!), but I never thought to have a Bible Verse of the Year, until I remembered a verse that was on a bookmark I had found on the subway platform several years ago: 1 Timothy 4:14. I had written 1 Timothy 4:12 on my college graduation cap—which I clearly decorated with my church friends—but hadn't read the rest of the chapter in a long time. I flipped to verse 14, and then quickly read verses 15 and 16 as well.
Do not neglect the gift you have, which was conferred on you through the prophetic word with the imposition of hands of the presbyterate. Be diligent in these matters, be absorbed in them, so that your progress may be evident to everyone. Attend to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in both tasks, for by doing so you will save both yourself and those who listen to you.
I just about fell off my chair.
It was like the Lord was encouraging me to finally giving myself permission to act upon the dreams in my heart. It wasn't selfish to have dreams or goals because the Holy Spirit inspired them. However, like Paul's words to Timothy, the Lord wasn't asking me to accomplish all the things in the span of one calendar year. He was asking me to show up, use my gifts, say no to other things so I could focus on the work laid out in front of me. In other words, take it one day at a time.
So yes, I do have specific goals I want to achieve this year, but I'm not going to quantify them or tie my self-worth to them with a pretty little bow. I'm just going to show up and try.
And in the words of the prophet Taylor Swift, this (post) is me trying.
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